“Darkness. Total darkness. That’s how I see the world around me. That’s what my whole life is. That’s how my day is.” Elin forced the words out.
“Are you sure of what you are saying? Why do you say that?” The doctor said as he searched for a vein to give her another shot.
“The feeling is strange; familiar yet strange. It’s hard to explain. Sometimes I want to smile, laugh along with everyone and do things that give me joy but something in me pulls me down and it gets too painful. It’s like the light inside of me is gulped by darkness.”
She explained as she pulled herself against the pillow that supported her.
He stopped and looked at her face. Sadness clouded his figure.
“I used to love the flowers and the birds. I used to sit and watch them dance across the sky. It gave me Joy. I would want to see all these again yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remains a part of me- an unbearable part of me.” she added.
Tears enveloped the doctor’s eyes as he stood there.
He struggled for words to say. He was shuttered. He knew what was coming yet, there was nothing he could do.
“Doctor?” she called out.
“Mhmm?” he turned still trying to hide his tears.
“When will I see the light?”
She asked as she sat there pale-skined.
“The light?” he queried.
“Yes the light. I want the pain to stop but I wonder if there is a stop to pain? Is there any hope or something I can hold on to? Is there some assurance that there will come a time I will feel no pain? How much darkness would I have to see before I see the light?” she questioned then adjusted the scarf that covered her head.
She stopped when her hand touched the empty skull. She remembered when she had lots of hair. Her mother used to say that her hair was like a ray of sunshine.
She remembered when she used to run around the house with her mother chasing her because she didn’t want to braid her hair.
Now, there was nothing left.
“You don’t need to see the light yet Elin. At least not that kind of light you want to see. You need to have hope and hope cannot come from outside. It must come from within you.
If you allow hope into your heart, even for a flashing moment, there will be a moment of relief. Why? Because a light will appear in the darkness and this will allow you to see the greatness of Him who loves us. Even a small ray of hope will revel His power, when we least expect.”
She let out a faint sigh and placed her head back against the wall as she let the words of the doctor sink in.
The doctor left after the chemotherapy.
He was called the next morning that she had already seen the light.
He smiled and whispered “Rest in peace Elin.”